Romney Releases Tax Returns* Bliss Exclusive!

Written by on July 21, 2012
Mitt Romney Tax Returns | Perfect Hair | BlissMagazineOnline.com

 

*These are so totally Mitt Romney’s Real Tax Returns

 

Governor Mitt Romney finally decides to release his tax returns for an additional year. Exclusively and Only at Bliss Magazine Online!

 

Candidate Romney’s wife, Ann Romney, told ABC Good Morning America, “…Do you think that is the kind of person who is trying to hide things, or do things? No. He is so good about it…and … We’ve given all you people need to know and understand about our financial situation and how we live our life.” Well as our exclusive will reveal, Candidate Romney has reason to be embarrassed and reason to rock on!

 

Our forensic accountants have pored through these documents. You may have thought of Romney as the buttoned-down banker type, but as you will see from his taxes, the possible next President of the United States is a complicated and interesting guy.

 

1. We have the REAL reason he banks in the Cayman Islands
2. He donates to Democrats!
3. He loves ponies
4. He’s a closet environmentalist
5. The guy has hidden his taxes because he is secretly a hardcore badass
6. More!

 

Now, Bliss Magazine Online doesn’t support any particular political party . We do love AMERICA, but there are plenty of places online you can go to have a political discussion. We are merely presenting totally valid information for you to make your own observations about.

 

Why did Mitt choose Bliss Magazine? Well, that should be obvious frankly, but we are just honored and pleased he did. Here are the highlights:

 

Mitt Romney Tax Returns | Mitt Romney Cayman Island Banker | Exclusive |  BlissMagazineOnline.com We sent our crack team of investigative journalists to see what was so special about the Cayman Islands. What we discovered was pretty special indeed. You see, in the Cayman Banking System, this lady is what qualifies as a Private Wealth Adviser. If only our Bliss CPA looked so good (sorry Sid). This one pretty much goes without any explanation. If this was YOUR banker waiting with tea for you, how often would you be in the Caymans? Well done Mr. Romney
Mitt Romney Tax Returns | Charitable Contributions | Exclusive | BlissMagazineOnline.comOh now, come on Governor Romney, this is just mean! We appreciate the humor, but you could have also deducted your contribution to the Barney Frank Campaign, which seems to be missing...
Mitt Romney Tax Returns | Capital Losses | Exclusive | BlissMagazineOnline.comWe're really not sure what to make of this document. Looks like some ties were lost in a fire, that's a tough loss to be sure. A tidy profit was made on some, umm, collectibles. Looks like a major loss on some Dubstep equipment sale though. Guess he couldn't get the hang of it...
Mitt Romney Tax Returns | Electric Car | Exclusive | BlissMagazineOnline.comRomney's tax return reveals he was driving green before driving green was cool. We couldn't help but notice the purchase date...birthday present to yourself sir?
Mitt Romney Tax Returns | To Do List | Exclusive | BlissMagazineOnline.comNothing surprising here. What caught our eyes are the notes in the margin.
Mitt Romney Tax Returns | Cost of Goods Sold | Exclusive | BlissMagazineOnline.comWhoa! Big surprises here. Presented without comment.
Mitt Romney Tax Returns | Appletini Receipt | Exclusive | BlissMagazineOnline.comWhat we can't show you from this one is the attached sticky note. It was a memo to Governor Romney's CPA staff asking if his appletini bar tab from the Olive Garden is deductable or not. Our CPAs say yes, but only since he was entertaining a group of poster makers from MoveOn.org

Mitt Romney Tax Returns | Secret Job | Exclusive | BlissMagazineOnline.comNow this one really caught us by surprise. Sure Candidate Romney can appear stiff and uncomfortable around us little people, but these tax returns show Romney is a secret BADASS. Don't even bother asking where he summer's...OMG, this guy winter's doing the most dangerous job on the planet! In the words of Sasha Baron Cohen: Respek. (Ok, so that's "word," but you know what we mean).

 

We'd love to hear YOUR thoughts. What surprises you most?

 

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