We Vote for the Slutty One

Written by on November 12, 2012
We Vote for the Slutty Girl | Bliss Magazine Online | Red Wine

A Guy's Guide to Wine, Part One...
Getting guys to dig wine has always been a daunting task. Beer and Spirits are fine, but wine… seems too cerebral, too prissy… too feminine to capture the interest of many men. Talk brews or liquor and we can talk for hours, but wine? P-L-E-A-S-E; save that coffee clutch for the ladies! But here’s the problem gents: You NEED to know about wine to impress the ladies. (Is there any other reason why we do anything?)
Challenge Accepted: Find the means to lure the mind of the average male to embrace the feminine mystique of wine.

Solution: Think of wine like its Charlie’s Angels. Thank you Margaret Cho. Who the F is Margaret Cho and why should I care? See sidebar.

Margaret Cho: Why do I thank this often edgy, often out on a limb polymorphic perverse comedian? It’s her bit on women and “Charlie’s Angels” that I believe can turn the trick to get more guys thinking and talking about wine…

So, all you have to do is to think of wine like tracking the ladies in a bar. First a couple of assumptions:
• They almost certainly travel in three’s,
• Among the three, you can easily ID them as: The Nice One, The Smart & Elegant One, and THE SLUT!
So as girls travel in three’s, so to do wines and they can be equally ID’d with these guy friendly labels. Easy, right?
Take it easy. I’ll start us off slowly. I’ve selected three wines, all from a single winery (Ken Post), and all the same varietal (Pinot Noir). All three releases [ed. Note: he said releases] of Ken’s Pinot Noir match the Charlie’s Angels criteria of wines that we’ll call: The Good Girl, The Smart & Elegant Girl...and THE SLUT. [ed. Note: umm, please tell us more about this slutty one]
First off, why Pinot Noir? As a red wine it is fruit forward, soft, smooth & easy to enjoy. It’s super food friendly, and as a huge added bonus - chicks love Pinot Noir. I’ve also pushed the Easy button and found one winery whose Pinot Noir fit the bill as a Charlie’s Angel Trio. They come to us from the CRU wine label and courtesy of Central Coast winemaker Ken Post. Ok, here goes:
Cameron Diaz. The Nice Girl
The Nice Girl. (Think Kate Jackson/Cameron Diaz) – It’s the 2010 Cru Winery “Cru Montage” Monterey County Pinot Noir: This Cru Montage is a blend of several Pinot Noir grapes from throughout Monterey County and the Central Coast. She’s the good girl next store that never gets into obvious trouble. You know that she is like Goldilocks; she just seems to have the right combination of good looks, elegance and sexiness. She’ll never disappoint you, but then again, she’ll also never overwhelm you…If that’s the Pinot Noir you crave, then this Cru Montage is your girl!

Lucy Liu. The Elegant OneThe Smart &Elegant Girl. (Think Jaclyn Smith/Lucy Liu)– It’s the 2009 Santa Lucia Highlands Pinot Noir. Pinot has long been said to be a classy sophisticated red wine. Classic, elegant Pinot Noir is NEVER as obvious as power a power grape like Cabernet Sauvignon or Syrah. She’s graceful and playful to your senses combing a fine balance of notes and flavors of flower, spice, fruit and “terroir” (a fancy Frog term that you and I can simply call… earth).

This Santa Lucia Highlands Pinot is made from Pinot grapes grown only in this region of Monterey County CA – long known as a home of making classic, graceful Pinot Noir like they do in Burgundy, France. It’s a special Pinot for special moments and ideally with special foods - Salmon, Duck, Pheasant, and Quail come to mind for sure; But also perhaps even a choice of, Lamb Venison or Elk)… If that’s the Pinot you crave than this Santa Lucia Highland Pinot is your girl!

I’m a Giver
So guys here is my commitment – I will be your “Passionate Wine Advocate” and get you more excited about drinking wine… Whenever possible I’ll refer back to using my Charlie’s Angel Trio as a model for describing and recommending wines for you to try! Now this is my lead intro into motivating you on trying and drinking more wine.


We Vote for the Slutty One!

The Slutty Girl. (Think Farah Faucett/Cheryl Ladd/ or Drew Barrymore) – It’s the 2009 Cru Winery “Santa Maria Valley” Pinot Noir. The warm area of the Santa Maria Valley in Santa Barbara County is notorious for producing Pinots that are routinely described as SLUTTY. They ooze rich, deep, sexy fruit that overwhelms your senses. Perhaps a bit too firm, too forward and toned to enjoy every day, but man you can’t help but love the moments you are enjoying her badness. She always leaves you wondering how to think of her: Can you even take her into public or perhaps it’s just best if she’s kept “cellared” away for those times you, and your alone, want your slutty, booty call of Pinot. If that’s the Pinot you crave than this Santa Maria Valley Pinot is your girl!

Not bad right? So, with a wine labeled “Nice” you are saying this wine is just right; none of the things that you experience when drinking wine seem overwhelming… Fruit, Acid, Sugar, Alcohol, & Tannins all seem to be in balance… Interestingly, although the wine novice might not have the words to talk about a balanced wine they still seem to ID such “Goldilocks” wines when they’ve tried them.
I hope my Charlie’s Angels approach to wine can take a little mystery out of trying and getting excited about discovering wine, or at least you found it fun and informative. If you end trying more wine, and enjoying it more, and getting a few more panties dropped because of a few things I yammer on about, then I know I’m on the right track to succeed as your Wine Advocate.
Ed. Note: Drink up boys. To get your hands on these wines you can easily contact the author HERE and place an order. He’ll send a Bliss Girl over to hand deliver your order.
OK, that’s total bullshit, but you can still order the wine. Oh yea, and this is only available to readers of Bliss Magazine. So, you’re welcome. Enjoy.

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